


To Let Go

by DreamyHope



Series: Olicity&kids [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:38:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamyHope/pseuds/DreamyHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver Queen didn’t have any idea how to live without his wife. And he was terrified that he would have to find out fairly soon. Felicity Queen had been in a coma for twenty seven days and everybody kept telling him that it would be better to let her go because there wasn’t a big chance that she would wake up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My friend (and my dear beta) said it was traumatic but I really like it. I hope that someone else will like it too. ;o) 
> 
> I had this idea for some time and it didn't want to go away so I had to write it down otherwise I wouldn't be able to write anything else.

Oliver Queen didn’t have any idea how to live without his wife. And he was terrified that he would have to find out fairly soon. Felicity Queen had been in a coma for twenty seven days and everybody kept telling him that it would be better to let her go because there wasn’t a big chance that she would wake up.

He sat by her bed for most of those twenty seven days. He left for a few hours on the third night because he finally found out who sent his wife into the hospital. It turned out that it was just an unfortunate accident. 

After that he didn’t leave for more than couple of minutes. He held her hand. He talked to her. He begged her to wake up not only for him but for their eleven months old son. But nothing worked. There wasn’t any sign of Felicity getting better.

***

It was an early afternoon when Oliver heard a gentle knock on the door. He didn’t have to think twice to know who was behind the door. It was his sister. She let herself in only a moment after.

He sighed. Thea knew he didn’t want her there because she was persistent about him making the decision. She didn’t understand – or didn’t want to understand – that he did make a decision – just not the one which everybody thought was the best.

Maybe he wasn’t fair. They all knew and liked Felicity so it had to be hard for them too. But they had their ways to cope with the loss. 

If Oliver let Felicity die he wouldn’t have anything left. He realized it wasn’t true but it felt like it. He would still have little Robert but he would hurt the little boy. He wouldn’t be able to look at his son without feeling guilty that he let his mother die. Because it was his fault that Felicity was on a life-support. He wasn’t with her when she practically drowned herself. It was his job to keep his family safe and he failed miserably.

He heard Thea taking a deep breath and he knew what was coming so he stopped her straight away. “Thea, don’t!” He wasn’t in a mood to fight with his sister.

“Ollie, I think -,” she started and he wasn’t that surprised that she didn’t listen to him. She was one of the fewest people he wasn’t able to push away even when he tried.

“I said _don’t_ , Thea,” growled Oliver.

His sister shook her head. “No, Ollie! You need to listen! Felicity wouldn’t want you to do this.”

“Do what?” he asked although he already knew the answer. It wasn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation.

“She wouldn’t want you to cut off your son, to stop living.” Thea stopped just to take another deep breath. “I don’t think she would want to be on a life-support when there isn’t much chance that she’ll ever wake up.” She shrugged and tears appeared in her eyes. “The doctor said that she’s brain dead.”

Oliver felt anger rising up in him. It wasn’t the first time Thea told him this but there was something new in her voice. “You don’t know what she would want!” he snapped. He pointed his finger to Felicity lying on the hospital bed. “ _She_ would want to be with her son, to watch him become a man, to give him siblings! She wouldn’t want me to give up hope when there’s still any! Even if it’s the slightest one! So stop talking me into it! I _won’t_ do it. I _can’t_ do it.” 

He turned away from his sister. His hands were trembling. He wanted to punch something. He clenched his fists. He couldn’t let the anger to take over control. It would be dangerous and it was the last thing he needed to be, dangerous.

Oliver heard Thea’s steps and then felt her hand on his shoulder. He pulled away.

“Ollie, please,” she whispered.

He turned to face her. “Get out.” He didn’t feel bad when he saw the pain in her eyes. He never talked to her like this. He loved his sister. That didn’t change but he had so much on his plate right now that he needed support from her and it was something she wasn’t willing to give him right now. 

Oliver tried really hard to understand all the people who thought he made a mistake when he refused to believe that Felicity wasn’t going to wake up but it was another thing in which he failed miserably. At one moment he was decided to let her die but then he read the article about a little boy who woke up from the coma even when the doctors said he wouldn’t. It gave him new hope. He told their family and friends – even the doctors - about this boy but they all seemed sceptic.

***

When Oliver heard a knock on the door the following morning he thought of a few swearwords. He wasn’t in a mood to listen to anybody. He had a really bad night. He couldn’t sleep because he had been thinking about Thea’s words the whole night. At the sunrise he was finally ready to accept that his sister might be right.

The door opened and Oliver turned his head with a sigh. He stood up and walked over to John.

“Any change?” asked Dig.

Oliver shook his head. “No. And it’s not even a good sign. Damn it!” He swore quietly and clenched his fists. “I need to talk to you.”

Diggle looked surprised. “Ok.”

Oliver opened the door to the hallway and with one more look Felicity’s direction he left the room. He went to the waiting room where he found all of their friends, Thea, Donna even Robbie. Oliver wasn’t really happy about the fact that his son had been in the hospital but on the other hand he was glad to see him because Robbie reminded him what he was missing for the last month.

“How’s my baby girl?” asked Donna at the moment she saw him.

Oliver shook his head regretfully. “Still the same.” He took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something.” He looked at each one of the people in the room. “All of you.” He picked up his son who came to him on unsteady legs and was stretching his arms up to him.

Laurel made a few steps his direction, worried look on her face. “Ollie?”

He gave her a sad smile. “I’ve been thinking all night and I think it’s finally time to face the truth. I don’t want to lose Felicity but it probably happened already. I can’t sit next to her bed and wait for her to wake up or die. My son needs me so I decided it’s time to do it. To let her go.” He looked at his sister. “You were right, Thea, she wouldn’t want this.”

“Oliver, you can’t do it.” Diggle looked horrified.

Oliver gave him a look of disbelief. “Just a few days ago you were trying to convince me that it’s the best thing I can do. And when I finally say I’ll do it you tell me I can’t? Care to elaborate?”

Dig sighed. “One thing is telling you and knowing you won’t listen but this,” he waved his hand, “this is just too terrifying. I don’t want to lose Felicity more than you do, Oliver. Are you sure you don’t want to wait for a few more weeks? Or months?”

“Wait for what? For her to die because of some infection she can’t fight?” He shook his head. “There’s nothing we can do. Even S.T.A.R. labs can’t do anything, Caitlin called last night.”

He heard Donna sniffled and turned to her. Her cheeks were wet with tears and he felt awful. He didn’t want to hurt her. He loved his mother-in-law. He took a breath to say something but Donna gave him a sad smile and quickly left the room.

Oliver sighed. It was even worse than he imagined it would be. If he was honest he didn’t really took to consideration what would his decision made with Felicity’s mum. He knew he should do it but he didn’t and it was too late to take it back now.

“Ollie?” Thea’s whisper and her gentle hand on his arm pulled him out from his thoughts.

He turned to her, his eyebrows raised in a silent question.

“When do you want to do it?” his sister asked quietly.

He shrugged. He didn’t know. He didn’t think about it yet. It was hard enough to wrap his head around the thought of killing his wife that he didn’t think about timing. “Why?”

It was Thea’s turn to shrug. “Robbie’s birthday’s in two weeks and I don’t want to have it clouded by the death of his mother. I know it won’t change anything but this might be the only birthday he’ll enjoy even if he doesn’t remember it.” She took a deep breath and looked Oliver straight into the eyes. “So could you wait with it...let’s say...for a month?”

Oliver looked at his smiling innocent son in his arms, surprised. He didn’t realize that Robert was going to be one. Sure, he knew that day was coming but he thought he had more time than that. “Of course,” he said to Thea with his eyes still on the little boy. It could wait. Or at least he thought so...

***

Oliver really thought he would be able to wait with killing his wife for at least a month. He hoped he would find enough strength to visit her every day, talk to her, and watch her with the knowledge that the time was limited but he found out that he could do it. He couldn’t bring himself to make the suffering longer.

It wasn’t only him who suffered. Felicity’s mum didn’t stop crying since the day he told everybody about his decision. Their friends were devastated. 

The only one who didn’t suffer was Robbie. The little boy didn’t have any idea what was about to happen and he was enjoying the company of the people he loved. It seemed that everybody wanted to be with him when they couldn’t cope with the reality anymore.

Oliver signed all the necessary papers two days before Robbie’s birthday. He didn’t tell anybody because there was always enough time for that.

When they switched the machines keeping Felicity alive off, he sat next to her bed, held her hand and whispered things to calm her – even though she probably couldn’t hear him. Maybe it was more to calm himself down.

***

It was the day of their son’s birthday, Felicity was miraculously still alive – in coma but alive – and Oliver came home for the first time since the accident. He promised Thea he would spend the day with Robbie so he did and he enjoyed it. For a few short hours he enjoyed the time with his family. He was even able not to feel guilty that Felicity might die any second and he wouldn’t be there for her.

Unfortunately, the good time he had was over too soon. In the early afternoon, just after blowing off the candle on the chocolate birthday cake, the phone rang and Thea went to pick it up. When she came back her face was pale, she looked shocked and there were tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” asked Oliver, his body tense.

Thea took a shaky breath. “It was the hospital. Felicity...she’s...”

Oliver never heard what Felicity was as he handed his son to Lyla and ran to his car. 

He parked the car in front of the hospital less than thirty minutes later. Once inside he didn’t wait for the elevator, he took two stairs at a time. He was terrified he would be too late. He didn’t want to lose her but he knew this moment would come when he signed the papers. He just didn’t think he was prepared to do it – especially on his son’s birthday.

“What’s going on?” he asked the doctor who just exited his wife’s bedroom.

The doctor smiled at him, kindly. “Your wife’s awake, Mr. Queen.”

Oliver stared at the older man. “What? But how is it even possible? You told me that she’s brain dead, that she’ll never wake up!” He had to fight the urge to put an arrow into this guy. Deep down he knew it wasn’t the doctor’s fault but he was beside himself with rage. He did what everybody expected and he put Felicity in danger thanks to that.

The doctor didn’t lose his composure. “It happens. It’s very rare but it’s not impossible. As I told you before, there was _almost_ a zero brain activity so your wife was practically brain dead. But it turns out we were wrong. It’s a miracle really because it shouldn’t happen. That little of brain activity shouldn’t make any difference.” He smiled. “Your wife has a pretty strong will.”

Oliver had to agree with him. Felicity had probably been the strongest woman he ever known. She fought for him. She believed in him even in the darkest moment when he didn’t believe in himself. She was the reason he survived Nanda Parbat and everything after that.

“Is she going to be ok?” he asked with a held breath.

“Yes. There might be some memory loss but it shouldn’t be for long. She’s weak. She’ll have to take it easy and might need some rehabilitation. But as far as I can tell in this moment she’s perfectly fine. We’ll know more in a few hours after all the necessary tests.”

“Can I see her?” Oliver had to see her for himself. It wasn’t like he didn’t believe the doctor but he knew he wouldn’t calm down until he saw Felicity.

“Of course.” The doctor reached for the door handle and opened the door for him.

Oliver’s world stopped. Felicity had been lying in the hospital bed, her eyes wide opened. She turned her head to the door and smiled, slowly. And Oliver wanted to cry because she was awake and he couldn’t think of the moment in his life he was happier. He quickly covered the distance between the door and the bed.

“Hey,” he whispered before leaning down and kissing her lightly on her dry lips.

“Hi,” she whispered back. Her eyes glistened with tears.

Oliver smiled, fighting his own tears. “I missed you.” He was grateful that she woke up and he was even more grateful that it happened on Robbie’s first birthday because he couldn’t possibly wish for a better present.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity's alive but she doesn't remember the last two years of her life. She doesn't remember getting married or having a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **Kittkat**_ asked me to write a story in which Felicity would lose her memory after the accident so here we go.
> 
> all mistakes are mine =o)

Felicity looked at him with a small frown. “What happened, Oliver?”

Oliver sighed. He wasn’t sure how much he could tell her. “You went swimming with Thea and Robbie and some kid pushed you into the water. You hit your head and almost drowned.”

Felicity’s frown deepened. “Who’s Robbie?” she asked after a few minutes.

Now it was Oliver who frowned. He remembered the doctor saying something about memory loss but he didn’t think she could forget their son. It was impossible. “Our son. He’s one today. Your waking up is the best present he could wish for. He’s been asking about you all the time.” He used his calmest voice which was usually reserved for their son.

Felicity shook her head. “Oliver, we don’t have a son. We came back from Ivy Town just a few weeks ago.”

“Of course we have a son, Felicity. His name’s Robert Thomas Queen and he was born not even an hour after we got married.”

Oliver asked Felicity to marry him couple of weeks after he found out she was pregnant. He assured her he didn’t want to marry her because of the baby. He told her how he planned the proposal for some time already and after a bit of persuasion she agreed to marry him if they got married before she would start showing. Oliver was more than happy to agree to that because the other option was getting married after their son’s birth and it was an idea he didn’t like. He didn’t want his son to be born out of wedlock. 

Unfortunately their plans were disturbed by Felicity’s ending up in hospital because all the stress of their lives jeopardized her pregnancy so she spent months on bed rest. Thea had to take over wedding planning and Felicity didn’t have other choice than to agree with a wedding two weeks before her due date. It was a great plan really. 

But Robbie decided he wanted to join his parents on their wedding day so when Felicity had her first contraction in early morning on that day she didn’t tell anybody, she was sure they’ve got more than enough time to get married and enjoy the reception afterwards. However the contractions became more intense while she was getting ready. 

Oliver knew something was wrong when she walked down the aisle but she insisted that it was nothing and it could wait until after they were married. So he let her go away with it but when she winced in pain and squeezed his hand he had a pretty good idea what was going on. After the ceremony he took her to the car, called over his shoulder that they were going to the hospital and sped through the town.

“What are you talking about? We’re not married. We’re just living together and you’re running for the mayor,” said Felicity and pulled him out of his memories.

“Felicity, honey, I already am the mayor. We’ve been married for a year and we have a little boy.” He repeated a little desperately.

Felicity looked confused and he couldn’t blame her. She was studying his face as if she wanted to find any sign of him joking. And then she started to cry.

“I d-don’t remember any of i-it!” she managed to say in between her sobs.

Oliver hated her tears; even more when he was the cause of them. He scooped her into his arms and tried to calm her down.

***

Felicity stayed in the hospital for a few more days in which Oliver and everybody else tried to help her remember. They brought photo albums, told her stories but nothing helped. Two days after Felicity woke up Oliver came in with Robbie who had been ecstatic to see his mum but Felicity ended up in tears because seeing Robbie’s love for her when she didn’t know him was one of the worst things that could happen. The fact that the little boy was a perfect picture of his father didn’t help either.

Felicity had been desperate. The doctors said that her memory loss is just temporary even if it didn’t feel like it at the moment.

***

Oliver parked the car in front the house in which they lived. Felicity looked through the window and felt really bad that she didn’t remember it. She hoped that her memories would come back to her once she saw the house but nothing happened.

“It’s ok. We need to give it time.” Oliver touched her hand gently.

She turned her head to him. “How much time? I don’t think I can do this for much longer. I’m hurting all of you and that’s the last thing I want.”

He sighed. “It’s not your fault, Felicity. We all get it.”

Felicity rolled her eyes and looked out of the window again. “I know you do,” she muttered. _But it doesn’t mean I have to like it._

“Come on, come inside. Robbie and Thea are waiting,” said Oliver cheerily before getting out of the car. He opened the door on her side of the car and held his hand for her.

She took a deep breath before taking his hand. She hoped she wouldn’t have to face Thea or Robbie - or anybody really. She hoped she would have time to go around the house and at least try to remember but apparently it wasn’t happening. She didn’t have a choice than to go with what life threw her way.

Oliver opened the door and she saw Robbie running their way. Thea was a few steps behind him. The little boy ignored his father and ran straight to Felicity. She took a step back, fear written all over her face.

“Come on, buddy. Mummy will give you a cuddle in a minute,” said Oliver before scooping their son into his arms.

Felicity wanted to cry. It was painful that she couldn’t even cuddle her son because she didn’t remember him.

“Welcome home.” Thea gave reassuring smile which made things even worse. 

She felt like the meanest person in the world. Deep down she knew it wasn’t her fault but it didn’t help. She didn’t understand why she remembered everything until a few weeks after their return from Ivy Town but nothing after that. It wasn’t fair!

***

A month later Felicity still didn’t remember almost two years of her life and no one had any idea how to change that. Neither going to the lair helped, nor their wedding video or Robbie’s pictures.

But those four weeks weren’t a complete loss of time. Felicity spent every minute she could with their son. She learned everything about him and it didn’t take long to love him more than her life. She would do anything for that blue-eyed boy.

And it was thanks to Robbie that she found a way how she could remember. The only problem was that Oliver wouldn’t agree to it so she had to leave him out of her plan. She wasn’t really happy about that but it was her only hope. If that didn’t work she would give up and just come to terms with her memory loss.

“Mummy’s going to call aunty Thea,” she said to Robbie with a smile. With pounding heart she pressed the button on her phone.

It took only two rings for Thea to pick up. “Felicity?” her voice sounded concerned.

“Hi, Thea. Could you come to our house? I’ve got a favour to ask.” Felicity tried to sound calm.

“Is something wrong?”

She shook her head. Of course she would think that; she was just like her brother. “No, everything’s fine. I just need to go somewhere and need your help with it. I’ll tell you everything when you’re here.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“Thank you! And,” Felicity took a breath, “please, don’t tell Oliver.”

“Sure. See you.” Thea disconnected the phone call.

Felicity chewed on her bottom lip and stared at her phone. “Well, there’s no going back now,” she muttered.

Robbie got up from the floor where he played with blocks and made his way to her. “Ma,” he said and stretched his arms.

She picked him up and hugged him. “We’ll go out with aunty Thea, okay? Because mummy’s tired of not remembering you,” she said quietly and pressed a kiss to his blonde hair.

Ten minutes later - which they spent cuddling – the doorbell rang. Felicity got up and with Robbie in her arms opened the door.

“Thanks for coming.” She closed the door behind her sister-in-law and went back to the living room where she let Robbie play with his toys.

“What’s with all the secrets? What do you need? Why don’t you want me to tell Ollie?” asked Thea when she sat on the sofa and then her eyes widened. “Do you remember something?”

Felicity shook her head. “No and that’s the problem. I think I found a way to remember. But Oliver wouldn’t agree with it and that’s why I need your help.”

Younger woman watched her with narrowed eyes. “Oh-kay,” she said carefully. “What’s your plan?”

Felicity took a deep breath. It was harder then she thought it would be. “I need to go to the swimming centre where it happened.” She shrugged. “Or at least see the building.” She frowned. “It should be enough just to see it. I hope.” Felicity looked at Thea with pleading eyes. “Oliver won’t tell me where the accident happened and I get it. It’s just...I can’t live like this anymore. I want to remember. I love Robbie but I don’t think I can give him as much as I could if I remembered. Please, Thea, help me!”

Her sister-in-law watched her for a few moments. “I can see why Ollie wouldn’t agree to this. It’s crazy, Felicity! It could do more harm than good! And what are you going to do if it doesn’t work?”

“I’ll give up if it doesn’t work. I promise!”

“Ollie’s going to kill me if he ever finds out,” muttered Thea. “Fine, I’ll take you there. But if it goes south I’m calling Ollie.”

Felicity nodded. It seemed only fair and it would be a small price for that risk.

***

Thea parked the car in front of the swimming centre and Felicity didn’t feel as confident as she did back home but she couldn’t give up yet. She had to at least try no matter how hard it was. She got out of the car.

“Do you want me to go with you?” asked Thea.

Felicity glanced quickly at her son who was fast asleep in his car seat and then looked at her. She shook her head. “No. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“Okay. I’ll stay here but if anything -.”

“I’ll come straight back, I promise,” she assured her and closed the door behind her.

It took only couple of steps in the direction of the building before some of the memories came rushing back to her. 

She remembered coming here with Thea and Robbie that fateful day and everything that happened afterwards. She remembered going back to the children’s pool where her son had been with his aunt after her swim. But she never made it there because there had been teenagers running around and she took a step aside when one of the boys ran beside her. He pushed her accidentally and she was the one who had been too close to the edge of the pool. She remembered falling down, hitting her head and after that everything went black.

Felicity blinked a few times but she couldn’t stop the tears falling on her cheeks. She didn’t know how long she’s been standing there before she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder.

“Felicity? Are you okay? Why are you crying? What happened?”

She turned to Thea. “I know what happened,” she whispered.

“Oh, sweetheart!” Thea embraced her.

Felicity rested her head against Thea’s shoulder and sobbed. This wasn’t how she wanted her memories back. She didn’t need to remember this! She wanted to remember time before the accident.

“I want to go home,” she whispered between sobs.

“Okay. I’ll take you home and stay with you until Ollie comes from work,” she promised and walked her to the car.

***

That evening after they’ve put Robbie to the bed, Oliver sat on a sofa in the living room and Felicity laid with her head on his legs. She nervously circled with her nail around one of the buttons on Oliver’s shirt.

“Oliver?”

Her husband smiled. “Hm?”

Felicity took a deep breath. This was going to be hard. She had to tell him what happened in the afternoon. “I went with Thea to the swimming centre. And I remember.” She sat up and looked him in the eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me that I was pregnant when we left Ivy Town?”

He frowned. “Why did she take you there? I would never agree to that!”

She nodded her head. “I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I asked her. But it’s _so_ not the point! _Why_ didn’t you tell me?”

Oliver sighed and took her hand into his. “I didn’t want to make things worse than they already were. It was hard enough to accept that you don’t remember two years of your life.” He stroked the inside of her wrist with his thumb in soothing circles. “I thought it wouldn’t do you any good if you knew.”

Felicity gave him a sad smile. She had to admit she understood his reasons. She wasn’t particularly happy about it but it was his decision to make.

“So,” began Oliver, “can we know talk about the fact that you went to my sister for help instead of me?”


End file.
